last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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