I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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