Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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