i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize