when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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