Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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