I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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