I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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