just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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