you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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