Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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