I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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