oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize