I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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