Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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