I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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