I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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