Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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