You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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