no, he came in my armpit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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