only if we run a train.
done.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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