hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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