is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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