My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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