I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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