So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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