He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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