Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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