butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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