Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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(541): I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album. http://tfl.nu/to1v

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(757): View more from Virginia

apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

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(757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously http://tfl.nu/dgt5

Replies (19) Good night (757) Bad night (4887) Order T-Shirt
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(970): View more from Colorado

I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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(970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify

Replies (58) Good night (8634) Bad night (796)
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(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

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(619): I'm passing your future prison. http://tfl.nu/j7g6

Replies (15) Good night (4219) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
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(703): View more from Virginia

there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...

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(703): there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40... http://tfl.nu/f1ts

Replies (25) Good night (633) Bad night (5665) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

two words: eviction party

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(503): two words: eviction party http://tfl.nu/l75h

Replies (28) Good night (6092) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
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(250): View more from British Columbia

My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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(250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8

Replies (15) Good night (1062) Bad night (4729) Order T-Shirt
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(540): View more from Virginia

i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

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(540): i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing http://tfl.nu/o77s

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(319): View more from Iowa

As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.

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(319): As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em. http://tfl.nu/jzfe

Replies (2) Good night (1907) Bad night (826)
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(530): View more from California

I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?

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(530): I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster? http://tfl.nu/nheu

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again

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(781): I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again http://tfl.nu/5dv2

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(206): View more from Washington

But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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(206): But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness. http://tfl.nu/0ech

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(518): View more from New York

I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!

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(518): I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING! http://tfl.nu/za5e

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

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(402): He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians. http://tfl.nu/6owi

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?

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(604): Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You? http://tfl.nu/pz94

Replies (4) Good night (376) Bad night (709)

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