After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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