i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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