she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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