You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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