drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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