So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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