I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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