My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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