The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize