We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize