I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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