I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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