end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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