I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize