I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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