Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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