you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize