just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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