I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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