After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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