I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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